i dunno why i do the things i do.
sometimes i like to think that there is some sorta mystical and all fulfilling reason behind this.
like if life really happened for a reason.
like, if every single little insignificant thing we do has some fate towards it and affects us in the long run.
at this moment i cant really give a valid example but there is always some.

maybe i shouldnt think this way?
what if i thought that life just happens, and no matter what we do everything is subject to change and what we do is just as we do it.

i have scorned god before, i have neglected him and just thought the idea of him is ludacris
and i understand why i could have seen it that way.
i was ashamed to admit my defeat about believing in sucha thing.

but i realize that i rather live life believing in god, having hope and and believing him and believing that everything happens for a reason then to be lonely, unsure, pathetic and hopeless living life just as it may come.
i love waking up knowing that tomorrow always gives me a chance to start again.