a conscience named Musca domestica.

64days
1549hours
92980minutes
5578856seconds

it doesnt feel like it, doesnt feel like anything.
so it would be logical to not feel anything, right?
no, its sad.
but i wish i kinda looked at it, from the point of view that,
well, its just another cycle. these things just end and start over again.
so theres no reason to be sad because something new is gona start pretty soon.
yet, the leaving part is what gets me. and is getting me.

i'm staying here for the summer, but i'll be going to school, so i'll be occupied.
have more time to spend saying goodbye, i guess.
i wish i had more time, i wish i had so much more time and that i realized things so much sooner.
maybe i could have been what you wanted?
maybe i would have stayed the same.


there is this little bug inside my head, buzzing and buzzing. it lands on my brain and rests on my thoughts. and it tells me "listen to youself, do it, do what you know you always feel, just do it". and while it feeds on my doubts and emotions it gets bigger and louder. i've done it before, why cant i do it now? its gettin to me.
but i dont want to spend the few days we have left regretting every awkward pause.
unfortunately, i know and it knows, that at the end its gona win. we just dont know when.