was it you...

who spoke the words that things would happen
but not to me.
oh things are gonna happen naturally.
oh taking your advice and
im looking at the bright side.
AND BALANCING THE WHOLE THING.

REPHASE: just like in a drama uncult romance movie im standing in the middle of a crowd completely numb in the postition i was left at. hand outstretched,heartbeats paused and shock running through my body. everybody is moving around almost at lightspeed to the point where they are just a blur. can they see me standing between them? faster and louder they go and all i can do is stare. watch you as you run away from your past,me. from screaming to begging i try to get you to share some sort of emotion. i would have you rather yelled at me for hours, cussing me out on all the things i did wrong. then to have you just run away from me not as a coward but as a person so deeply in pain they couldnt bare to suffer the stab of my words or the burn of my face. eventually moving, i got through the whole weekend.

CURRENTLY: i have accpted the fact that i tried. but i still will keep going. i like my life at this moment. i like my lunch group and our wacky notions,talking about homecoming with native,hearing my awesome and handsomely sauve teacher talk about his life, saying i have to go to the loo in may may's and talking to my art girls and mexican sister,sitting,coying and playful bantering with my partner in math,sharing my wierdness and soaking up the willingness to come together in fifth and going to soccer practice with the chongas and the P.J'S. i dont just like this stuff i LOVE it. it makes me better. and though i dont have the boy or a date to homecoming or the best grades, or those funky cool amigos with their indie style and everchanging friends and enemies i am good.anyone can say what they want about me. they can think what they want about me. i am insane and i am stupid. i am nice and im not fake. i do lie but i am human just like everyone and i am honest in one thing:i dont need anybodys crap..
and i am pretty much a happyish person. if i say i am, I AM. the good is outweighing the bad: only because i am letting it.